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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Holy Anger Management, Batman!

Christian Bale was arrested this week on charges of assaulting his mother and his sister THE DAY OF his Batman London premier. I couldn't be happier.

Hello. My name is Ann Bransom. And I am addicted to celebrity gossip.

What is great about this story is that it has so many ingredients that hit my sick palate . For one thing it is Christian Bale, who prior to Batman was kind of a D-lister anyway. Once catapulted to A-list stardom what does he do? Reveals his temper problem. Beautiful.

Secondly, of all the people for him to assault, he chose his own mother. I can take or leave the sister. But his mother??? I have heard two versions of the story, one being that his sister asked for 100,000 pounds (he loses points for the fight involving foreign currency that I can't convert. I mean was she asking for $10 or a $1,000,000?). The other version was that his mom was talking smack about his wife, from whom he is on the verge of separating (points for bringing a failing, fake Hollywood marriage into play AND for the fact that his wife used to be weirdo Wynona Ryder's assistant).

I don't care which story is true, but Christian has admitted to having a temper problem and that's all I need. Christian, in the immortal words of Chris Rock, "There is a reason to push an old man down a flight of stairs, just don't do it!"

The only way this could be improved upon, is if Christian and his family got their own reality show. I'd be the first one setting the series recording on my DVR.

Other stories I am currently obsessed with:

1) Michael Lohan possibly having an illegitimate daughter, who clearly wants her 15 minutes in the spotlight. Don't worry little darlin'. If he is your dad, then you are about to develop an eating disorder and a cocaine addiction, which will launch you to stardom. If he isn't your dad, congratulations, Michael Lohan isn't your dad. Win win.

2)Michael Lohan being banned from Lindsay's I-Am-Pretending-To-Be-A-Lesbian Party. (Bonus points because Dina Lohan said publicly that she was "thrilled" he had been dis-invited. Ouch!)

3)Emphysema suffering crackhead, Amy Winehouse, saying she wants five kids when her husband gets out of jail. Amy, there isn't enough oxygen in the world.

4)Anything involving Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. Has anyone seen two people less aware of how they are coming off to the world? Anyone? Give the kids to Amy Winehouse. They'll have a better shot.

5)Dr. Drew (Pinsky) publicly diagnosing Britney Spears mental disorder as Federlinus Syndrome. Dr. Drew said, and I quote, "If you take Britney's life and put a moment in time where things started getting bad, it's the moment she got involved with Kevin Federline. That's when things started to unravel."

Thank you, Dr. Drew. Thank you.

Alright. I know today's post was stupid, but I needed something to do on my lunch break.



Shana said...

I am so star crazy! I love all of this gossip stuff. I can't beleive Batman assaulted his mom. What's up with that!?!?!

Ann said...

OMG, I could die. I just found out today that his mother used to be in the circus!

I am fully obsessed to the point that sometimes I get into fights with celebrities, even though they don't know it. For example, I am not taking Brett Favre's calls right now.

I know; I have issues.