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Monday, August 25, 2008

Check Engine

The dreaded "Check Engine" light.

It came on yesterday.

Ben says it is only a $30.00 part to fix it.

I don't care.

This is the end.

The end of the truck.

I can feel it in my bones.

I think my personal "Check Engine" light has come on too. For some reason, I have been tired and dizzy and nauseous for the last two weeks. Bleck. It may be time for a trip to the doctor. Or the shrink. Or both.

Here is a short quiz for those of you who read my blog:

1) Should Ben and Ann have a wedding or just head to the court house?

2) Should I sell my truck now, while I can make a little money on it, or wait until the loan is paid off in three years?

3) Do you think it will be worth it for us to drive an hour to Savannah from Hilton Head to eat at Lady and Sons, even though we may have to wait four hours for a table?

4) In Hilton Head, what is the likelihood I will be mistaken for a beached whale and hauled off to the zoo?

5) Am I wasting my life in marketing? Should I be doing something else?

Just a few questions that have been weighing on my mind, usually when I am trying to fall asleep. Opinions, comments, and snide remarks are all welcome. Maybe this explains the dizziness and nausea...

Ben seems to think so...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Don't Squint


Okay, so after yelling at Ben to stop squinting for half an hour in our backyard, I realized that probably didn't sound very nice to all of our nosy neighbors. He is Vietnamese after all. Still, he has the most beautiful brown eyes, which I would have liked to have captured on film. Put a camera in front of him, though, and he can't help but get a big silly smile on his face, which inevitably makes those big brown eyes disappear.

Sigh......

Oh, well. I still got some nice ones of him and the dogs. Just a nice quiet evening at home. Eating leftovers and enjoying the deck and waiting for the first frost to come and kill all these bugs!

Topics of the evening:

1) Vacation

We are so excited about going to Hilton Head. Ben and I are not "itinerary" people. You know the kind. Every single day of vacation planned down to the nanosecond.

7:00 Wake up
7:05 Brush Teeth
7:10 Eat light breakfast
7:15 Wow only five minutes for breakfast. Apply sunscreen.
7:20 Open a vein, because vacation is more tedious than real life

We do however have a few things we would like to work into the vacation schedule. For one thing, I would like to drive over to Savannah and be a total tourist, which would include visiting all the Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil landmarks and eating at Lady and Sons (Paula Deen, people, come on now).

Ben would like to charter a boat and go deep sea fishing one of the days we are there. I predict severe sea sickness and major vomiting. Plus, it is REALLY expensive. We shall see....

2) Keeping Up With the Joneses

I am an emotional cutter. What is my instrument of torture? Social Networking Media. Sorry did I get too "markety" for you?

Facebook
MySpace
Blogger

I never thought I would catch the "Keeping Up With the Joneses" syndrome, but for some reason, lately...I just can't help but compare myself to every person I have ever known.

"I used to go to elementary school with her. Wow, she has two kids now. And they're firing their modeling agent at the ages of 3 and 5. And they already speak fluent Latin?

I'm a failure."

"Hey, that's that guy who showed up at the New Year's Eve party in '03. He made a total fool of himself. Wait, he's married now? And he and his wife built a homeless shelter out of recycled cardboard boxes? And now their charity "Out of the Box, Into the Box" is being featured on Good Morning America?

I'm a failure."

"There's my old drinking buddy from college. He wrote a book? While living in Italy? I didn't even know he could read. Ohhhh, his gorgeous wife taught him to read, while they were rediscovering themselves at the Ashram. Before giving birth to triplets, who have already been identified as gifted.

I'm a failure."

As my good friend Robin pointed out last night, and as Ben confirmed during our deck time, it is highly unlikely that these people's lives are as perfect as they make them seem on their profiles and blogs. In reality, I know that many of them have major issues in their lives.

Cheating husbands.
Obnoxious kids.
Bankruptcy.
Bad breath.

But we can be anybody we want to be online.

Furthermore, so what if their lives are something out of a Martha Stewart magazine? It doesn't change who I am or all the blessings I have. It also doesn't make my little peccadillos any worse or any better, either.

"I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam!", so sayeth Popeye. (Who for the record, we all know lived in a garbage can and ate worms, no matter what he might project in the song he wrote about himself.)

In light of the recent self awareness I've obtained about my online toxic behavior, I think I may be deleting my MySpace profile. If I don't get to see someone in real life, or at the very least talk to them on the phone, what is the point of them existing on my "friends" list?

Not much.

Either I would be trying to impress them, or I would be beating myself up for not attaining the same level of accomplishments as they have.

Not healthy either way.

In other news:

Heroes.

The Office.

Grey's Anatomy.

Almost here......

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Grumpy...


"Aunt Annie...."

"Yes, Frassy...."

"I'm grumpy."

Famous last words uttered by Ann Elizabeth on the drive to the Louisville Zoo.

We can't say she didn't warn us.

Things started out fun enough. Albeit a billion degrees of fun, there were trains and animals and Aunt Peggy...

And then...

The fun was over....

What are you going to do?

I envy children and their ability to just totally melt down. Nobody judges them, nobody blames them. We might admonish...but we also beg and plead and bribe. We hold them and comfort them and try desperately to figure out what will make them happy again.

A melt down.

Ahhhhhhhhh....hurts so good....

Yesterday I had one of those days. Unfortunately, I had one of those days on the way to a meeting. As I sat out in the parking lot desperately trying to blow my nose and reapply my make-up, I wondered, "What would these guys think if I just walked in with snot pouring out of my nose and tears streaming down my face?"

Tissues and clever make-up jobs are not the only defense mechanisms in our arsenal.

We get inside our shells and try to crawl away slowly so no one will notice.


We go into denial. Easier to do when everyone around us is in denial.

We become annoyingly inaccessible and withdrawn.

We put fences and barriers between ourselves and the outside world.

We overeat.

Sometimes, we even put our defense mechanisms right out where the world can see them. Back off, Chief!

Sometimes though....rarely....but sometimes we look the world in the face. No matter how vulnerable, or frightened, or wounded....we stand up and let the world see us for who we really are.

Like kids and their melt downs.

A very wise man once told me that there was a reason God put tear ducts on our face...so that we can't hide it when we're hurting.

UPDATES:

The summer house is paid in full. Hilton Head, here we come!

I got a new office building, so that I can hire some help. Hooray!

The dogs are slowly becoming domesticated. Far less insane over here on Fenwick.

I'll flesh out these updates soon. Until then, don't get on a Greyhound!