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Friday, May 29, 2009

Worry Box

A therapist once suggested that a patient create a "Worry Box". Basically, you wrote down all the things that you were worried about on sheets of paper, and you gave yourself an allotted amount of time each day (i.e. 15 minutes) to open the box, read the sheets of paper, and....well....worry about them!

I always thought it was a stupid idea, because I know myself and I would not quit worrying just because I closed the box lid. Lately, though, with these uncontrollable pregnancy hormones and being in pain...I AM SO CREATING A WORRY BOX! Here are the sheets of paper that will probably make the box:

1) The volatile situation with my step daughter's mother
2) Whether or not, I will be a good mother
3) What if I don't like the baby? (I know. Particularly stupid, but it's up there in my cerebrum)
4) Did we make a mistake buying a more expensive house?
5) Are we going to be able to afford this baby?
6) I can't find the energy to get everything done that needs to be done (take cats to the vet, clean the house, make dinner)
7) My kidney hurts and will continue to hurt for the next 14 1/2 weeks
8) What if they fire me, because I need special treatment for being pregnant?

The last one has been the biggest one lately, because it pretty much ties in with all of my other worries. The financial pressure of this economy, and the disastrous nightmare of either my husband or I losing our job right now, is a constant nagging worry.

In fact, I'm getting back to work now. I'll let you know how the worry box goes.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Updates from the Fat Lady

I know I've been a bad blogger. God and I are creating a life. I've been busy.

On to the updates:

1) I am in my new house and I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve it. My hubby says he still hasn't quite gotten over the feeling of being in "someone else's house", but I settled in day one. This is the house where I will raise my children. This is my house where I will grow old. Did I mention I love it?

2) I am 24 weeks and 1 day pregnant and officially had my first scare. This is a long one:

So beginning Friday I started having a stabbing, nagging, aching pain behind my back right ribs I thought maybe my bra was too tight, or I was just having normal back pain, or whatever. By Sunday, I finally broke down and called my doctor (so far have not made any weekend calls). She told me to go straight to the ER, because they needed to check my kidneys, liver, and gall bladder.
I still felt like I could make it until the following day, but decided I better listen to her (imagine that). So DH and I head to the ER at 10:00 Sunday night. There were like a million people in the waiitng room and I thought, "Great, I'll be here for hours waiting to be seen."
So I go up to the girl at the counter and barely get out the following, "I am here because I'm having pain in my back and my doctor told me to tell you I was 24 weeks pregnant.." and this girl's eyes get as big as saucers and she says, "Did you say pregnant. OH, We need to get you upstairs!!!"
So I start trying to explain that I am not in labor, but she pages this kid with a wheelchair anway. I started to argue with him that I could walk by myself and didn't need a wheelchair, but then my husband gave me the death ray and I enjoyed a 100 mile an hour ride up to labor and delivery. IT WAS SO EMBARASSING.
But then it quickly turned to scary when they started hooking me up to all these monitors and doing swabs to see if I was in preterm labor and taking urine. That's when it hit me.
There is a baby in here and SHE is going to decide when she's coming out, not ME. I've been treating this pregnancy like this vacation I have been planning for and now I realize that anything can happen for the next 16 weeks. YIKES!!
Fortunately, four hours later they finally determine that I have a kidney infection. A kidney infection can cause pre-term labor, so I guess it is more serious in a pregnant person. I got the eight millionth lecture this pregnancy about not drinking enough water and I will definitely be taking it more seriously now. Also, whenever I go the ER from now on, I am going to tell them I'm pregnant. It's like a line jump pass at a theme park!
3) I STILL HAVE A KIDNEY INFECTION. They told me it could take 2-3 days for the pain to start subsiding when the antibiotics kicked'S WEDNESDAY!!!! Can we kick in already??? It feels like I am being stabbed repeatedly in the kidney.
Someone out there has a voo doo doll with a shock of my hair pinned to it.
That's all I'm saying.