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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Carreon Ipsum: Something While You Wait

Are you sick of waiting for updates on the Charles Carreon case? Tired of having to hit refresh on the Nader Library site, just for the slim hope that the couple may have updated their Cray Cray or made another bizarre threat? Look no further. I bring you...

Carreon Ipsum
Not really things the Carreons have said...but close enough to tide you over. Let's be honest. Who the hell understands what they're saying half the time anyway? Just refresh your page for moar Carreon. Enjoy.

28 comments :

Chris R. said...

Omg you are amazing.

Ollie said...

Are you sure you didn't get that directly from either of the Carreons? sounds alot like Tara to me. Minus blaming the internet and the Oatmeal

Ollie said...

just kidding. refreshed the page and found "satan inman". are you reading tara's diary or something?

Valerie O'Gilain said...

Oh my God, I think I love you. Were I not a straight woman, I would so tap that based on awesomeness of this site alone.

I have been so disappointed at the lack of Tara Carreon original posts lately, that I had begun to think I would be forced to while away the hours watching cat videos. You have saved me (Genuflects before your greatness).

Eric R said...

Madame, you are an artist of the truest form. Not to mention generous and thoughtful. Now Tara doesn't have to spend so much time typing her cranial diarrhea. She can just copy and paste from here!

Anonymous said...

My favorite so far:

Matthew is a narcissistic, reprobate, constipated judge who wants all the squishy fish hanged!

Oh noes! Not the constipated judge and dead squishy fish!

Greened1 said...

Oh. My. God.

It took me 10 minutes to read this, I was laughing that hard.

"Stop trying to rape the tomatoes! You will not win this fight! The FBI doesn't want you to know that Bob the Builder has been talking to the the Daughters of the American Revolution for years. We've got the documents to prove it. They all hate America. Just like those assholes in Communists. It's just like when the Jews came to America from North Korea, and Kim Jong Il tried to hide all of their cars. Just look at One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and you can see the connection to the holocaust."

Tsarina of Tsocks said...

Best.Idea.Ever.

"Inmanovich is a baseless, thuggish, reprobate coffee who wants all the baby deer assaulted!"


Overflowing with awesomesauce. You win the internetz today.

(Also... must be some kind of Seekrit Illuminati Hoodoo, given the connection to the BearLove theme - how else could it come about that my Captcha word is ipso ursu? Coincidence? I don't THINK so.)

Tsarina of Tsocks said...

Spooky:

"There is now plenty of proof that Secret Santa is just one of a rafter of these lady kids, trying to scam you into believing in aliens. You reprobate kids can go die in a microwave fire. It's just like when the Jews came to America from Antarctica, and Barack Obama tried to hide all of their zombies. Bobby Ray Inman, Jr. is a dorkish, thuggish, hypocritical color who wants all the disney characters defacated upon! Meanwhile, Killer Klown's soccer coach shows a striking resemblance to Blues Clues who has clear ties to the KKK. COINCIDENCE???!!!!"

Ann Bransom said...

yeeeeeeaaaahhhh, I may have done a little too good of a job on this. Some of these are downright terrifying.

O_O

Alyred said...

Great work, and fun! :)

Anonymous said...

I really have trouble telling the difference between Tara and this.

That woman puts the "mad" in "Mad Libs."

pathgirl said...

Awesome, just awesome

pathgirl said...

It's pretty clear from reading Where the Red Fern Grows that Carrot Top was deep into the Republican Party.

OMG I can't breath cuz I'm cracking up too bad.
Score 10 points to the LLB, you go girl.

Hannah said...

MESMERIZING.

*refresh*
*refresh*
*refresh*
*refresh*
*refresh*
*refresh*

perlhaqr said...

Greened1: That one's the best I've seen so far. :D

dnevill said...

My favorite so far. Guidance counselor fires are far more dangerous than Inman would lead you to believe!

The FBI doesn't want you to know that Charles Schultz has been talking to the the KKK for years. We've got the documents to prove it. You thuggish kids can go die in a guidance counselor fire. Killer Klown is a contemptible, bottom-of-the-barrel, ranting keys who wants all the newborn babies attacked! It's just like when Taylor Swift took over the the Navy back in the 50's. There is now plenty of proof that Matt is just one of a route of these canoe kids, trying to scam you into believing in slavery abolition.

Matt Scott said...

I award you infinity internets.

Heatherella said...

I mean, when the Teacher's Union ran me off their Facebook page, you didn't see me crying to Ronald Regan about it!
OMFG, that's the BEST thing the Teacher's Union has done in a decade!!!

Wonderful toy you've made there, my gal... ;)

Anonymous said...

"Tornados are always raping."

Yes. Yes they are.

Steve said...

This is pure brilliance! I honestly almost shot coffee out of my nose. While I didn`t, it hurt like hell. Maybe I can get Charles to file a lawsuit against you! Ya! Umm...are you richÉ :)

Anglave said...

"Killer Klown from Outer Space is a narcissistic, lying, conspiratorial travel size toothpaste who wants all the squishy fish drawn and quartered! They all hate America. Just like those assholes in the Police Department. You can find a full copy of Animal Farm on American Buddha. Just check it out and tell me you don't see Kanye West written all over it. Assholes. Just look at East of Eden and you can see the connection to the holocaust. You'd have to be a zombie not to see a connection between the the Knights Templar and the Korean War."

Chris R. said...

"He should be murdered by a cloud of sailors." Using that in some future work.

Anonymous said...

Ann, found myself, some how here from techdirt. Glad to have found your blog. I am most impressed by this quote "For me, being thin is all about being somebody else. Being HEALTHY is all about being ME." I myself have always been thin, but never actually healthy. So thank you, apauld.

Anonymous said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=charles%20carreon&defid=6664892

Anonymous said...

You clueless kids can go die in a t-shirt fire. Ballet slippers are always dreaming. You'd have to be a calculator not to see a connection between the the Democratic Party and women's suffrage. Meanwhile, Pterodactyl Boy's former co-worker shows a striking resemblance to Ryan Seacrest who has clear ties to Communists. COINCIDENCE???!!!! It's just like when the Jews came to America from California, and Kenneth White tried to hide all of their donuts.

Gal said...

I will never get tired of this.

Mike Kayser said...

"You baseless kids can go die in a snow fire."

Noticed that at the end of one of one. How does a snow fire work?